The title of the new wall paper for this blog is weary wings, which I thought was so appropriate. Things have been really rough with me. I go from being really down to having two good days to going right back down. To say it is frustrating is putting it mildly. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel the way I do on my bad days and not have anyone that understands what you are going through. I still struggle alot with being alone and dealing with the hurt I have felt the past year from people who have deserted me or stepped back for various reasons. I"m doing the best I can. I take everything I have in me, to pick myself up and try again the next day but each time seems to be a little harder, and I'm still scared to death of when and if I have an episode where I no longer have a sense of reality and danger of hurting myself. It's the fear, of not getting hold of someone reliable at that time, that scares me the most. I'm just hoping that will never happen. I am still seeing the counselor once a week and in the process of changing my general doctor to one that is closer and you I have gotten recommendations that he is more knowledgeable and will help me at more. I bought a book about and plan on talking to the doctor about what things I can change in my diet or other factors I can change before I have to go to my last resort of being put on medicine. I just feel there is so much that can be looked at and tried as far as the chemical/hormonal balances that may make a difference. The hardest part is getting people to understand that although I have a little control over what I can do to manage this depression, this is something that your body controls for you. I continue to try and make the best choices I can with my diet and try to exercise at least 3 times a week. I'm doing as much as I can on my good days to try and make my bad days less consistent. I am so blessed to have both my children. There isn't a day that goes by that one of them doesn't come up to show their love for me and I can't help but stand back and smile when I look at them.
I got some great pictures today as you can see of the kids...pure sweetness!
Today I took both kids to Girl Scout Day at the zoo. They both had a blast. Gabby was so intent about finishing an alphabet scavenger hunt they gave them to do. She is such a special girl. I"m glad I was able to take both of them out for a day to have fun. I hoping that I can take Gabby tomorrow for a girl's pedicure! I really do enjoy spending time with her one-on-one...seems like she is like me in so many ways....
Julio and I continue to go to the love and logic parenting classes. I am really enjoying them and learning so much! Even though are only revising what we already do, it's reminding us to continue to be consistent and tweak our perspective on parenting. It's definitely been a positive thing for all of us.
Julio and I are also going to start working through the Dave Ramsey financial workbook to try to get on a budget and get some financial goals we have accomplished. It's going to be a little difficult at first to find a budget that works and for us to work together in this area, but I know it will all pay off.
There are a lot of changes that are happening in our household...individually and as a family. We're hoping that all these baby steps will give us the progress that we need to start to accomplish the many goals we want for our family.
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