I have been very frustrated after feeling so good, to fall down once again. So frustrated that I don't have control over it and do not know how I will feel day to day.
It was a little comforting to meet with my counseler today and explain what I have been feeling. It is comforting that she understands what I am talking about but wants to helps me try to deal with things differently since we live in a world that is nothing like it should be.
We talked about trying meds again since I have changed general doctors that she has recommended. She really does think that it is chemical. Although I will do whatever I need to do and try whatever I need to, to get better, I am absolutely terrified right now. I'm scared that with not a lot of support system, what will happen. I'm scared everyday, pretty much fighting this by myself (and around people who do not believe it is an illiness, or scared of it)and trying at the same time to keep it just enough together that I can do what I need to do everyday. I really want to find the answers for relief and that this won't be a journey I do not have to continue to be on.
Gabby also is seeing the counsler too. I'm hoping she can get the help that I can't give her. I feel so much guilt that some of the things that she is having trouble with is because of me. I am trying so hard with her. I know most days I don't meet her needs, and there are some days, my best is not anywhere close to what it needs to be. All I can do is do my best and pray God will do the rest. I pray she will get this help early and that she never has to go through what I am going through and that she will have joy each day God gives her.
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