Grieving.....being brutally honest

I don't even know where to start...all I know is my heart is hurting and I am literally grieving after realizing the last couple of years how the world is. I've been fighting against trying to face reality. Something that would ease the pain and loneliness. I hit bottom last year and was suicidal. Everyone in my life stepped back or turned away for various reasons ranging from didn't know what to say (which I think is absolute bullcrap....how hard is it to say "I don't really know what to say, but I'm here if you need me and then actually mean it!) to they didn't need more drama or negativity in their life. People (even family) are too busy to really invest time and care. I can't tell you how much this has hurt me. I continue to fight and struggle the illness of depression alone. It hurts so bad that people (even Christians- do not want to get involved. Do not want to step out...do not want to invest their time and effort into someone else's problems, even when they are crying out for help. I honestly know why people commit suicide....and no one is to blame except other people when the person has cried out or tried to get help.) I honestly, only have my husband...no one else. How can I not decide to give up on humanity and just depend on myself to keep from being hurt over and over again? I talk about killing myself...I won't....just because my kids and husband...that's the only reason. I don't understand how people are because I have stood where they are and wanted so much more in relationships and willing to put the effort, time and commitment into it. I only expect what I would give....the last two years I just happen to have changed places and so hurt by the responses I have gotten. Why is what I think should be the norm for people and relationships now considered too high expectations?